I flounced. Again.
Last year it was from a day-long meeting of a colourful political party that will remain nameless. The first two hours were dominated (that is the right word) by someone who had come down from Lancaster to Lay Down The Law. He (or SHE) had so comprehensively ground down everyone’s will to live that I just thought to myself ‘screw it.’
Last weekend it was a so-called “skill-share” which, from what I could see, was mostly about sharing ideas and opinions and perhaps some knowledge, which are all distinct from, erm, skills. It was running further and further behind, so the 45 minutes that were needed to achieve anything useful would probably not have happened.
But these are excuses.
Whatever happened to gritting your teeth and standing your ground?
Whatever happened to a commitment to the Cause, to using what opportunities do exist (and they are rare and will get rarer still), to ignoring the wafflers and those who enable the waffling, and having real dialogue with the largely defenceless and blameless punters who have come in hope of something different?
Flouncing is exactly the sort of self-indulgent behaviour that I am forever denouncing in others. Like tipping, it doesn’t send a “message” of any clarity to organisers. It does send a message to the punters that I am a brittle prima donna.
So therefore I need to;
- Explain to potential workshop hosts the red lines that will lead to me flouncing.
- Make sure that I have enough to keep me occupied (earplugs, pen and paper, coffee and the Financial Times) so my own morale isn’t destroyed by any horror that the Egos are perpetrating.
- Make sure I have viable morale-revivification methods for the punters who remain
- Make sure I have a viable “cut-down” version if my timeslot and people’s energy have been nibbled/gnawed by the Egos.
That is to say, I need to get my fucking game face on.
UPDATE: Oh, and I need to take my own goddam advice. I mentioned this post to a friend tonight and she said “you mean the one you wrote a year ago?” And I’ve gone back and looked and I have been here before and I didn’t learn the last time. Human, all too human.