Acutely embarrassing epiphany – My “TADJ” vs my activist life

Oh dear. Sometimes, as Vanessa Williams sang, the very thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see.

I have a Totally Amazing Day Job (TADJ). I literally cannot imagine a better TADJ. It pays just fine, it’s got autonomy, mastery and purpose. There are some truly cool people I work with (including an awesome immediate boss), and when we all do our jobs and the gods smile on us, the world is, concretely, a better place for some folks.

And at the same time, it’s hellishly frustrating because we are understaffed and because we are always having to do the urgent rather than the important. And we have limited ability to protect ourselves from extra short-term and not-always-worth-it work.

And guess what? I finally clocked, today, what I should have seen at least a year ago. My frustration at work is largely (not entirely, but largely) because I’ve been refusing to face up to some ugly facts. I’d rather get frustrated about things I can’t do anything/much about, than take steps to change the things that I could change in My Other Life.

For My Other Life (only tangentially-related to this blog), has also got a large wodge of autonomy, mastery and purpose and some truly cool people I work with (including an awesome co-conspirator). When we do our jobs, the world is if not a concretely better place, then a more connected and honest (?!) one than it otherwise would have been.

My point – at last – is this; in My Other Life I have the autonomy to choose what work I prioritise. I could – if I wanted to – make some serious strategic choices about what was important, what was merely urgent and what was fun (Pollard’s Law, anyone?).
But I don’t take that responsibility, I don’t take those decisions, I don’t discipline myself. The guy who talked about rolling the rock up the hill would label it as a chronic case of living in Bad Faith. And rather than accept that and then maybe grow a pair, I whine about the things I can’t change. Ooops.

Advertisements

About dwighttowers

Below the surface...
This entry was posted in a little self-knowledge, activism and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Acutely embarrassing epiphany – My “TADJ” vs my activist life

  1. Antonio Dias says:

    These moments are wonderful! They are embarrassing, yes, but they open us up. Or they can, if we don’t jump down our own throats for being “such fools!” This is a time for reaching out with some compassion for that “fool” within. At least that’s how I see it. If we can just accept an epiphany and wait to see how it changes us – instead of insisting it means x and we must do y….

    A good day! It sounds to me!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s