Scientist discovers new element – Administratium

from here.

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by  University physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium  (AD), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic number  is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,  75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives  it an atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together  in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
meson-like particles called memos.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be  detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which  it is present. According to one of the discoverers of the element, a very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes less than a second take over four days.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which assistants to the neutron, vice-neutrons, and assistants to the vice-neutrons exchange place. Some studies have indicated that the atomic mass number actually increases after each reorganization.

Administratium was discovered by accident when a researcher angrily resigned from the chairmanship of the physics department and dumped all of his papers in the intake hatch of the University’s particle accelerator. “Apparently, the interaction of all of those reports,
grant forms, etc. with the particles in the accelerator created the new element.” an unnamed source explained.

Research at other laboratories seems to indicate that Administratium might occur naturally in the atmosphere. According to one scientist, Administratium is most likely to be found on college and university campuses, and in large corporation and government centers, near the best-appointed and best-maintained building.

“These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,
and there may be many others, but they haven’t been discarvard…”


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Below the surface...
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